Saturday, April 9, 2011

I just have a lot of feelings

Work Stuff:
I did not get the awesome job I talked about in my previous blog because the transfer decided to take the job. However, I feel like we left on good terms, and I will definitely look out for another opening at that company.

I've been working on freelance article stuff online in order to pick up some extra money, and my first article went through with minimal difficulty. I was asked by an editor to make a few changes, but after that it went through and I got my first payment on Friday. It was small, as it was only for one article, but if I can get the hang of this and keep writing, I think I'll come up with a nice extra chunk of change. My second article didn't go so well, one of the editors has asked me to do a complete rewrite as well as reading the guidelines for the site. I've read the guidelines, but I must have missed some important points. I was slightly upset the first night I got the notes, but I realize these things are not meant to slight me in any way. They have an image to uphold and I'm sure they get hundreds of submissions every day, so they are just trying to do their job and I shouldn't make it out like I'm horrible at what I'm trying to do just because I have to re-write something, which is my go-to feeling in situations like this. The feeling was fleeting, however, and I'm glad for that. I think I've learned not to take things personally when it comes to writing, because there is always room for improvement.

My part-time job has given me more hours each week, which is wonderful. If I've calculated it correctly, I will be able to pay all of my bills for the month and have a little extra money for food and gas from that job alone, which means any money I get from writing can go into savings or something a ticket to leakycon, for example. *squeee*

Personal Stuff:
As is hinted above, I've been struggling financially since I graduated in December. I haven't been able to find a full-time "big girl" job, and thus far the money I got from my part-time job didn't cover my monthly expenses. I've been slowly taking money from savings in order to pay for everything, and using very little money to pay for gas and food. My mom is worried about me eating so little, so she basically throws food at me to take back to my apartment, and my bestie/roomie has helped out a lot. I was a bit emarrassed about that, but grateful all the same. I mean, if you can't let your best friend help you out, who can you let help you out, you know?

Money issues aside, I've been going through a lot of changes. I spend a lot of time in my room on my computer, which I also did when I was in college, but I would get out of the house at least once day, if only to go to class. My social life was a lot better than it is now, for a few different reasons. The most important and obvious reason is that I have little to no money to spend on gas, or to spend at any "hang out" place like coffee shops or diners. The second, is that I think I've come a bit more reclusive. At first I got a bit annoyed when people didn't bother to return my texts or FB messages, or if I "wasted" a day doing absolutely nothing in my room. I felt like the most productive way to spend my time was to see as many of my friends as possible since I was now free from school and only worked on the weekends. The problem is, that most of my friends aren't free from school, and the only free time they have is when I work. I gradually got used to spending my days in my room, and found ways to feel productive without people around. I started cleaning my room, which hasn't been done thoroughly in quite a while. I haven't continued the effort, but I left off at a point that is easy to pick back up. While I clean I catch up on shows that I need to watch (yes, that is something I find productive, but not SO productive that I can't just watch them without doing something else). I made a large amount of lists (listography/quirkoholic) of goals and little things I want to start doing, and the more I incorporate those things into my daily routine, the more positive I feel about the way I'm spending my days, even if they are spent not speaking to anyone face-to-face. I'm spending more and more time at my mom's house because it is close to work and I can easily pick up shifts. All of my laptops are dead, and I can't exactly transport my desktop to and from my apartment regularly, so I usually spend my time reading and sleeping at odd intervals and spending time with mom while she tries to de-stress about work. Recently I've even started to craft again. I bedezzled a notebook to put files in, and I doctored a t-shirt so the neckline fits and looks nicer. It is oddly freeing, and my mom says I'm "healing" from being on such a tight schedule at school. She says she did the same thing when she was able to, and she misses being able to read whenever she likes and not having to worry about other people.

I think she's right. I think I could deal with having this kind of schedule. As long as I get some articles done and keep those extra shifts, I don't think I'll have to worry as much about money, and maybe I could afford to go out more, though I'm not sure how I would react to large amounts of people anymore. These days I prefer the company of one or two close friends, simply enjoying one another's company with no real agenda. No doubt I will become restless again at some point and want to travel and visit a gazillion people and places, because it is my nature to become restless with a certain routine for an extended amount of time, but for now I think I'll enjoy being a hermit as long as the feeling lasts.

No comments:

Post a Comment