Friday, April 4, 2014
lemondifficult: Applying for jobs is starting to feel a lot like
tookandbrandybuck: #this dialogue was like watching steven...
#this dialogue was like watching steven moffat give himself a blow job
from Tumblr http://ift.tt/1q1e2f3
via IFTTT
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Monday, May 16, 2011
I guess I should just tell you all what's going on
Even more changes have happened in the month or so that I haven't updated at all.
Mom got an offer on her house, so we were preparing to move to Arkansas by this Friday. So, I've been packing up a ton of my stuff and transporting it to Mom's house so she can pack it up with her stuff and take it to Arkansas, so I can just pack up my car with a few belongings and drive there in July when my lease is up. The offer was never signed though, so we're back to square one and we probably aren't going anywhere any time soon.
The prospect of moving sent my emotions hurling in a lot of different directions, which basically just made me feel like a hormonal teenager who can't handle the smallest of situations. So it is probably best that I didn't decide to update my blog with entries like "OH GOD MY LIFE IS GOING NOWHERE I WILL NEVER BE SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THE THOUGHT OF MOVING AWAY AND LEAVING ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY OF MY FRIENDS IN SO LONG BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY HATE ME AHHHHHH"
In all seriousness, I've had a lot of conflicting emotions the past month and a half, and I don't really know how to handle all of it. I felt excited about the thought of leaving GA, because I have wanted to get out of here since High School, but I have a lot of friends here, and the thought of leaving also breaks my heart. I know, there is Facebook and blogs and countless ways of keeping in touch, but I never realized how comforting it is to know that most of my friends are within a 50 mile radius. But then sometimes I just feel like leaving without saying goodbye to some of my friends because they haven't bothered to keep in touch with me anyway. I find myself questioning whether certain people are really worth my time anymore, and the more I think about them or see them on social networking sites, the angrier I get. In fact, for the past two weeks, I've pretty much been a big ball of negativity concerning a lot of people. And THEN, I start feeling self-conscious again, and how I shouldn't be angry at people for not wanting to hang out with me, because I'm just not always pleasant to be around, and I'm certainly not pleasing to look upon. And then I just get more reclusive and depressed, and then I start hating everyone even more, and it's just a very nasty cycle. These are dark times, and I'm just not sure how to deal anymore.
To top all of that off, I've been having a lot of health issues. My cycle is irregular, to say the least (as in, it doesn't really know when to stop. Been going on for a while now), and now I've developed a UTI, which hurts like hell. I don't have health insurance anymore, so I made an appointment a month and a half ago at the Health Department, and the earliest available appointment was May 20th, so I still haven't gotten any of this sorted out. I'm going to go stake out at a different clinic tomorrow to see if I can get any help from there.
Mom got an offer on her house, so we were preparing to move to Arkansas by this Friday. So, I've been packing up a ton of my stuff and transporting it to Mom's house so she can pack it up with her stuff and take it to Arkansas, so I can just pack up my car with a few belongings and drive there in July when my lease is up. The offer was never signed though, so we're back to square one and we probably aren't going anywhere any time soon.
The prospect of moving sent my emotions hurling in a lot of different directions, which basically just made me feel like a hormonal teenager who can't handle the smallest of situations. So it is probably best that I didn't decide to update my blog with entries like "OH GOD MY LIFE IS GOING NOWHERE I WILL NEVER BE SUCCESSFUL BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THE THOUGHT OF MOVING AWAY AND LEAVING ALL THE PEOPLE I LOVE EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T SEEN ANY OF MY FRIENDS IN SO LONG BECAUSE THEY OBVIOUSLY HATE ME AHHHHHH"
In all seriousness, I've had a lot of conflicting emotions the past month and a half, and I don't really know how to handle all of it. I felt excited about the thought of leaving GA, because I have wanted to get out of here since High School, but I have a lot of friends here, and the thought of leaving also breaks my heart. I know, there is Facebook and blogs and countless ways of keeping in touch, but I never realized how comforting it is to know that most of my friends are within a 50 mile radius. But then sometimes I just feel like leaving without saying goodbye to some of my friends because they haven't bothered to keep in touch with me anyway. I find myself questioning whether certain people are really worth my time anymore, and the more I think about them or see them on social networking sites, the angrier I get. In fact, for the past two weeks, I've pretty much been a big ball of negativity concerning a lot of people. And THEN, I start feeling self-conscious again, and how I shouldn't be angry at people for not wanting to hang out with me, because I'm just not always pleasant to be around, and I'm certainly not pleasing to look upon. And then I just get more reclusive and depressed, and then I start hating everyone even more, and it's just a very nasty cycle. These are dark times, and I'm just not sure how to deal anymore.
To top all of that off, I've been having a lot of health issues. My cycle is irregular, to say the least (as in, it doesn't really know when to stop. Been going on for a while now), and now I've developed a UTI, which hurts like hell. I don't have health insurance anymore, so I made an appointment a month and a half ago at the Health Department, and the earliest available appointment was May 20th, so I still haven't gotten any of this sorted out. I'm going to go stake out at a different clinic tomorrow to see if I can get any help from there.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
I just have a lot of feelings
Work Stuff:
I did not get the awesome job I talked about in my previous blog because the transfer decided to take the job. However, I feel like we left on good terms, and I will definitely look out for another opening at that company.
I've been working on freelance article stuff online in order to pick up some extra money, and my first article went through with minimal difficulty. I was asked by an editor to make a few changes, but after that it went through and I got my first payment on Friday. It was small, as it was only for one article, but if I can get the hang of this and keep writing, I think I'll come up with a nice extra chunk of change. My second article didn't go so well, one of the editors has asked me to do a complete rewrite as well as reading the guidelines for the site. I've read the guidelines, but I must have missed some important points. I was slightly upset the first night I got the notes, but I realize these things are not meant to slight me in any way. They have an image to uphold and I'm sure they get hundreds of submissions every day, so they are just trying to do their job and I shouldn't make it out like I'm horrible at what I'm trying to do just because I have to re-write something, which is my go-to feeling in situations like this. The feeling was fleeting, however, and I'm glad for that. I think I've learned not to take things personally when it comes to writing, because there is always room for improvement.
My part-time job has given me more hours each week, which is wonderful. If I've calculated it correctly, I will be able to pay all of my bills for the month and have a little extra money for food and gas from that job alone, which means any money I get from writing can go into savings or something frivolous...like a ticket to leakycon, for example. *squeee*
Personal Stuff:
As is hinted above, I've been struggling financially since I graduated in December. I haven't been able to find a full-time "big girl" job, and thus far the money I got from my part-time job didn't cover my monthly expenses. I've been slowly taking money from savings in order to pay for everything, and using very little money to pay for gas and food. My mom is worried about me eating so little, so she basically throws food at me to take back to my apartment, and my bestie/roomie has helped out a lot. I was a bit emarrassed about that, but grateful all the same. I mean, if you can't let your best friend help you out, who can you let help you out, you know?
Money issues aside, I've been going through a lot of changes. I spend a lot of time in my room on my computer, which I also did when I was in college, but I would get out of the house at least once day, if only to go to class. My social life was a lot better than it is now, for a few different reasons. The most important and obvious reason is that I have little to no money to spend on gas, or to spend at any "hang out" place like coffee shops or diners. The second, is that I think I've come a bit more reclusive. At first I got a bit annoyed when people didn't bother to return my texts or FB messages, or if I "wasted" a day doing absolutely nothing in my room. I felt like the most productive way to spend my time was to see as many of my friends as possible since I was now free from school and only worked on the weekends. The problem is, that most of my friends aren't free from school, and the only free time they have is when I work. I gradually got used to spending my days in my room, and found ways to feel productive without people around. I started cleaning my room, which hasn't been done thoroughly in quite a while. I haven't continued the effort, but I left off at a point that is easy to pick back up. While I clean I catch up on shows that I need to watch (yes, that is something I find productive, but not SO productive that I can't just watch them without doing something else). I made a large amount of lists (listography/quirkoholic) of goals and little things I want to start doing, and the more I incorporate those things into my daily routine, the more positive I feel about the way I'm spending my days, even if they are spent not speaking to anyone face-to-face. I'm spending more and more time at my mom's house because it is close to work and I can easily pick up shifts. All of my laptops are dead, and I can't exactly transport my desktop to and from my apartment regularly, so I usually spend my time reading and sleeping at odd intervals and spending time with mom while she tries to de-stress about work. Recently I've even started to craft again. I bedezzled a notebook to put files in, and I doctored a t-shirt so the neckline fits and looks nicer. It is oddly freeing, and my mom says I'm "healing" from being on such a tight schedule at school. She says she did the same thing when she was able to, and she misses being able to read whenever she likes and not having to worry about other people.
I think she's right. I think I could deal with having this kind of schedule. As long as I get some articles done and keep those extra shifts, I don't think I'll have to worry as much about money, and maybe I could afford to go out more, though I'm not sure how I would react to large amounts of people anymore. These days I prefer the company of one or two close friends, simply enjoying one another's company with no real agenda. No doubt I will become restless again at some point and want to travel and visit a gazillion people and places, because it is my nature to become restless with a certain routine for an extended amount of time, but for now I think I'll enjoy being a hermit as long as the feeling lasts.
I did not get the awesome job I talked about in my previous blog because the transfer decided to take the job. However, I feel like we left on good terms, and I will definitely look out for another opening at that company.
I've been working on freelance article stuff online in order to pick up some extra money, and my first article went through with minimal difficulty. I was asked by an editor to make a few changes, but after that it went through and I got my first payment on Friday. It was small, as it was only for one article, but if I can get the hang of this and keep writing, I think I'll come up with a nice extra chunk of change. My second article didn't go so well, one of the editors has asked me to do a complete rewrite as well as reading the guidelines for the site. I've read the guidelines, but I must have missed some important points. I was slightly upset the first night I got the notes, but I realize these things are not meant to slight me in any way. They have an image to uphold and I'm sure they get hundreds of submissions every day, so they are just trying to do their job and I shouldn't make it out like I'm horrible at what I'm trying to do just because I have to re-write something, which is my go-to feeling in situations like this. The feeling was fleeting, however, and I'm glad for that. I think I've learned not to take things personally when it comes to writing, because there is always room for improvement.
My part-time job has given me more hours each week, which is wonderful. If I've calculated it correctly, I will be able to pay all of my bills for the month and have a little extra money for food and gas from that job alone, which means any money I get from writing can go into savings or something frivolous...like a ticket to leakycon, for example. *squeee*
Personal Stuff:
As is hinted above, I've been struggling financially since I graduated in December. I haven't been able to find a full-time "big girl" job, and thus far the money I got from my part-time job didn't cover my monthly expenses. I've been slowly taking money from savings in order to pay for everything, and using very little money to pay for gas and food. My mom is worried about me eating so little, so she basically throws food at me to take back to my apartment, and my bestie/roomie has helped out a lot. I was a bit emarrassed about that, but grateful all the same. I mean, if you can't let your best friend help you out, who can you let help you out, you know?
Money issues aside, I've been going through a lot of changes. I spend a lot of time in my room on my computer, which I also did when I was in college, but I would get out of the house at least once day, if only to go to class. My social life was a lot better than it is now, for a few different reasons. The most important and obvious reason is that I have little to no money to spend on gas, or to spend at any "hang out" place like coffee shops or diners. The second, is that I think I've come a bit more reclusive. At first I got a bit annoyed when people didn't bother to return my texts or FB messages, or if I "wasted" a day doing absolutely nothing in my room. I felt like the most productive way to spend my time was to see as many of my friends as possible since I was now free from school and only worked on the weekends. The problem is, that most of my friends aren't free from school, and the only free time they have is when I work. I gradually got used to spending my days in my room, and found ways to feel productive without people around. I started cleaning my room, which hasn't been done thoroughly in quite a while. I haven't continued the effort, but I left off at a point that is easy to pick back up. While I clean I catch up on shows that I need to watch (yes, that is something I find productive, but not SO productive that I can't just watch them without doing something else). I made a large amount of lists (listography/quirkoholic) of goals and little things I want to start doing, and the more I incorporate those things into my daily routine, the more positive I feel about the way I'm spending my days, even if they are spent not speaking to anyone face-to-face. I'm spending more and more time at my mom's house because it is close to work and I can easily pick up shifts. All of my laptops are dead, and I can't exactly transport my desktop to and from my apartment regularly, so I usually spend my time reading and sleeping at odd intervals and spending time with mom while she tries to de-stress about work. Recently I've even started to craft again. I bedezzled a notebook to put files in, and I doctored a t-shirt so the neckline fits and looks nicer. It is oddly freeing, and my mom says I'm "healing" from being on such a tight schedule at school. She says she did the same thing when she was able to, and she misses being able to read whenever she likes and not having to worry about other people.
I think she's right. I think I could deal with having this kind of schedule. As long as I get some articles done and keep those extra shifts, I don't think I'll have to worry as much about money, and maybe I could afford to go out more, though I'm not sure how I would react to large amounts of people anymore. These days I prefer the company of one or two close friends, simply enjoying one another's company with no real agenda. No doubt I will become restless again at some point and want to travel and visit a gazillion people and places, because it is my nature to become restless with a certain routine for an extended amount of time, but for now I think I'll enjoy being a hermit as long as the feeling lasts.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)